Talking Like Pirates
by potcfan06
Summary: A fun little oneshot to celebrate Talk Like A Pirate Day. Jack decides Lizzie's vocabulary isn't nearly piratey enough and gives her a lesson to sort the problem out.


_Just a little Sprrabeth oneshot I decided to write to celebrate Talk Like A Pirate Day, which is tomorrow (19__th__ September)! Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day! :)_

Jack Sparrow woke up with a plan in his mind. Opening one eye, he lazily glanced across the other side of the large cabin bed, only to find that it was empty, the dark red covers thrown back. Rolling over into the deserted space, he let out a content sigh as he discovered that the bed sheets were still warm and that the scent of the woman he loved still lingered. Jack inhaled deeply, the enticing smell enhancing the fantasies going on inside his mind and bringing back vivid memories of what had taken place in the bed the night before.

He was interrupted from his daydreaming as the cabin door burst open and the bedcovers were torn away from him, exposing his naked body to the breeze coming in through the open window. He groaned and buried his head in the pillow grumpily.

'Jack, as cute as it is to see you looking so relaxed and happy in a warm bed, some of actually have to do work today and would appreciate it if the captain graced us with his presence this morning.'

Jack rolled over onto his back and smiled at the sight of Lizzie standing above him, her hands on her hips and a tiny smirk playing across her lips. She was wearing tight breeches, intended for a teenage boy, that clung to the curves of her hips, bum and legs, as well as one of Jack's shirts that hung baggily off her slender frame. Her hair was long and wavy down her back, just how Jack liked it. He thought he'd fallen in love all over again, and would happily have laid there and admired her all day, until he realized she was wearing his leather tricorne hat on her head.

'My hat!' he said, jumping up and throwing himself at her. Lizzie jumped out of the way and giggled as she ran out of the cabin, stopping just outside the doorway.

'I knew I could get you out of bed!' she laughed.

'Wench,' he growled, lunging at her.

She jumped back again and Jack made to follow her out of the cabin, but she put up a hand to stop him. 'As much as I love seeing you naked, Jack, I'm not sure the rest of the crew will appreciate it.'

'Bugger,' he muttered, looking down to see he wasn't wearing anything. He grabbed the nearest pair of breeches and tugged them on, then chased her out of the cabin and onto the deck. He caught up with her easily and wrapped his arms around her delicate waist, dragging her down onto the deck beneath him. He used one arm to keep his body weight off her as he used the other hand to grab the hat off Lizzie's head and place it on his own. 'This is cosy, isn't it love?'

'Jack, we're on the deck of the Pearl,' she warned him. 'We can't do anything out here.'

'That's a shame,' Jack sighed. 'You're looking far too beautiful today.'

'You look stunning too,' Lizzie smiled. 'Though I think you should put a shirt on. The crew are staring. Your chest is enough to turn any man away from women.'

Jack screwed his nose up in disgust and got to his feet, offering a hand out to help Lizzie up.

'What shall we do today, love?' he asked her.

'We have a ship to run,' Lizzie replied.

'But we do that every day,' Jack whined. 'Today is an important day, and I think we need to do something to celebrate.'

'Celebrate?' she asked him. 'What are we celebrating? Is it a special day?'

'A very special day.'

'It's not your birthday is it? I thought it wasn't until after Christmas.'

'It isn't,' Jack replied. 'Today is our anniversary.'

'Our anniversary?' Lizzie exclaimed. 'Oh Jack, I'm so sorry! I forgot! I would have got you a present or something. I didn't realize it had been a year already.'

'Relax, love,' Jack reassured her. 'Of course it hasn't been a year already.' Lizzie opened her mouth to ask him something but he stopped her with a kiss, wrapping his arms around her. 'Today is our ten months, two weeks and five days anniversary. I counted last night to give us an excuse to celebrate.'

'You mean an excuse to get me into bed?' she smirked. 'You know you don't need an excuse for that.'

'Maybe we can try that later. I have something much different lined up to celebrate. I was thinking yesterday, we've been together for ten months, two weeks and five days, yet ye still talk like the governor's daughter ye were when I first met you four years ago.'

'Well, yes, but…'

'Ye've just proved my point, love. Ye said 'yes'. A proper pirate would say 'aye'.'

'That's irrelevant! I am a real pirate! I've lived on this ship for nearly a year. I've helped you captain it! I'm as much a pirate as you are.'

'Prove it,' he dared her. 'Insult me.'

'Insult you? Why? I don't need to insult you to prove I'm a pirate.'

'Just do it, love.'

'Fine,' Lizzie huffed. 'You're … you have … a stupid walk.'

Jack roared with laughter. 'That was a rubbish insult for a non-pirate, let alone someone who claims to be a 'real pirate'. You need lessons on how to talk like a pirate, and I will be your teacher. This is what we will do to celebrate out anniversary. Maybe I can throw in a bottle of rum or two.'

He took Lizzie's hand and led her across the deck, shouting up to Gibbs at the helm as they went. 'Mr Gibbs, I trust ye can take care of the ship this morning. I'm giving Lizzie some lessons in me cabin.'

'Dare I ask what ye'll be teaching her, captain?' asked Gibbs, a look of worry on his face.

'Mr Gibbs, your mind is far too dirty!' exclaimed Jack, cottoning on to what Gibbs was implying. 'I am simply teaching Lizzie how to be more pirate-like!'

Gibbs sighed with relief and agreed to take charge for the morning. Jack and Lizzie entered the cabin and sat in two chairs opposite each other across the desk. Jack pulled a bottle of rum out of his cupboard, as well as two mugs and placed them on the table between them.

'We might need this,' he told her. 'I have a feeling it'll be a long morning. Right let's start. If ye saw me walking through Tortuga, how would ye greet me?'

'I would already be with you, because you don't let me walk through Tortuga on my own,' she retorted.

'Lizzie, your stubbornness is one of your most maddeningly attractive qualities, but right now is not the moment for it,' Jack sighed. 'I'm going to ask you again. If ye weren't already with me, how would ye greet me in Tortuga.'

'I'd give you a kiss and say hello,' Lizzie told him.

'The kiss is irrelevant, it's the saying hello which is problematic,' Jack explained. 'Pirates don't just say hello to each other. It's not nearly fearsome enough.'

'You sometimes say hello.'

'I've spent years building up a terrifying reputation,' Jack teased her. 'When I say hello, it still has the desired impact because of who I am. Remember, love, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow.'

'So how do I build up a reputation like yours?'

'It's all in the greeting,' said Jack. 'Hello isn't good enough. The most basic greeting is 'Arr' followed by the person's name and an insult. So if ye saw me, ye'd go 'Arr, Jack, ye scurvy sea-dog!' Get it?'

'Yes, I think so,' Lizzie said.

'No, love,' moaned Jack. 'Not yes, but 'aye', alright?'

'Aye captain!'

'Good,' he grinned. 'Now, shall we work on those insults? Let's have an insult war.'

'A what?' she asked incredulously.

Jack rolled his eyes. 'Honestly, love, if you don't know what an insult war is, you really aren't a pirate. It's been a traditional game for centuries. I used to play it with me dad when I was a boy, though with us it was hard to tell what was a game and when we were actually insulting each other.'

'So how do you play?'

'Simple. I insult you. You insult me. The first one to run out of original insults loses.'

'But that's unfair!' Lizzie protested. 'You're a pirate!'

'Aye, and ye told me that you were too,' grinned Jack, knowing that he had her trapped now. He picked up the bottle of rum and uncorked it, pouring it out into one of the mugs.

'What I mean, is that you've been a pirate for…' She paused and Jack raised his eyebrows at her, his hand and the bottle of rum hovering over the second mug.

'I've been a pirate for how long?'

'You've been a pirate for … longer than me.'

'Nice save, love,' Jack grinned. 'For a moment there, I thought ye were going to suggest I was really old.'

'You are,' Lizzie told him, with a grin of her own. 'You're an old wrinkly shriveled-up geriatric.'

Jack caught on. 'You're a stinking piece of haddock meat.'

'You're as slimy as Davy Jones' face!' she retorted with a little smirk.

'Not bad for a mutinous bit of parrot poop.'

'Useless Kraken-worshipping scumbag.'

'Yer face looks like octopus entrails,' he challenged.

'You're as handsome as a monkey's backside.'

'You're a pathetic whore.'

'That's low, Sparrow,' she snorted. 'But I didn't see you complaining last night, you rotting leech.'

'I think ye've passed this part of today's lesson,' grinned Jack. 'Not bad for a girl.'

'You insolent little arsewipe.'

'Love, the game's over now,' Jack smirked. 'Now, how about a little test of yer pirate vocabulary to finish off the lesson. If I called ye a landlubber, what do I mean?'

'I like to lub land?' Lizzie suggested blankly, taking a drink from her mug.

'Nope. It's simply someone who lives on land. What does running a rig mean?'

'Jack, I really have no idea!' she argued.

'It means yer playing a prank or a trick on someone,' he explained. 'How about scuttlebutt? Do ye know what that is? Ye get a lot of it in port, especially Tortuga.'

'Rum? Idiotic drunkards?'

'Gossip, love,' he grinned.

'Do I really have to talk like a pirate?' she pouted. 'Wasn't I alright how I was before?'

'Ye were perfect how ye were before,' he said, standing up and pulling Lizzie into his arms. 'I just thought it'd be a bit of fun. And I certainly enjoyed it, especially the insult war.'

'Which I won,' she laughed.

'No ye didn't!'

'Puny bilge-rat,' Lizzie muttered.

'What did ye just call me?' he asked, feigning outrage. 'I prefer the term 'swashbuckler'. It fits me much better.'

'What does it mean?'

'Swashbuckler is the word for a devilishly handsome pirate captain,' grinned Jack. 'Like me.'

'As if.'

'What was that, wench?' he growled, lifting her up and swinging her over his shoulder. She yelped as he threw her down on the cabin bed and crawled on top of her. He sat across her legs, making her unable to move them, and pinned her arms above her head. She was helpless beneath him, and he leaned forwards so that his mouth was beside her ear. He darted his tongue out to lick the lobe and bit down on it, eliciting a whimper from her mouth. 'Tell me I'm the handsomest man to sail the seven seas.'

'You're an ugly stinking piece of scum,' Lizzie said defiantly, gasping as he bit down on the tender skin of her neck, leaving a red mark.

'Tell me I'm the most good-looking pirate ye've ever laid yer eyes on.' He kept one hand on her wrists, his strength keeping them in place so that she couldn't move, and used the other to undo her shirt, licking each new bit of skin and then blowing on it sensually. Her eyes were closed and she gasped with pleasure, her breathing uneven and ragged. 'Tell me.'

'You're handsome,' she panted, her eyes still closed. 'You're beautiful and gorgeous and...'

'Sexy,' interjected Jack.

'Yes, sexy,' Lizzie whimpered.

'And you want to make love to me all day.'

'I want to … damn it Jack, do that again,' she ordered him.

Jack released her hands with a growl and complied as she tore his breeches off. He smiled to himself. Perhaps he'd have to teach her to talk like a pirate more often if this was the result!


End file.
